Hollywood's Participation in Deliveries

Finally, I did it. I had my clinical in labor and delivery... and all I can say is wow... please allow me to explain further. Did you realize that these women are pushing eight pound humans through their vagina's???? I am sooooo not kidding. Really, a whole little alien baby, RIGHT THROUGH THEIR VAGINA'S!!!!!

OK, so let me explain my day, and some of what I explain will have numbers next to it to identify that it belongs on the list. So I arrive in labor and delivery and I was started out in a room with a woman who was on her second baby and was having a c-section. I watched and learned as they prepped her for her major abdominal surgery (I will discuss further why this is a major surgery besides the fact they are ripping a human out of your body). So after about an hour and a half of prepping we take her into the OR. The nurse I was working with was wonderful and made sure I had a good place to stand while watching the surgery and explained everything going on. Here's where it gets freaky (#80). So they cut her incision and are cutting into the abdomen to get the baby. They make an incision about eight or so inches long and then have a doctor on each side of the incision with both their hands in the abdomen tearing, pulling, tugging the skin to make the hole wider. The doctors were pulling with all their might! I am telling you, no one should have their hands inside of you pulling back your flesh with all of their might!!!!! Does this seem totally insane to anyone else? (#79) The whole entire time you are wide awake too!!!! WIDE FREAKING AWAKE. Ahhhhhhh, as the doctors are ripping your flesh...

So then one of the doctors stood on a stool and pushed on the woman's abdomen and all the sudden out pops a baby head. Here is a freaking head just sitting outside of this woman's abdomen. WTF?!? (#78) So after the doc got the baby out they had to clean out the abdomen. They just yank the uterus right out of the abdomen and have it sitting on the woman's belly as they clean it. I could not believe I was staring at a uterus outside of a woman's body!!! (#77) Then after they are done they just shove it right back in. I swear to god, it totally reminded me on the game you used to play as a kid Operation! Except the docs in real life are not as gentle as you have to be in the damn game! (#76) Then the docs have to cauterize the bleeding. It smelled like someone was branding a damn cow in the OR. And let this show you how inappropriate I can be at times, all I could think was how cool it would be to brand your initials in the woman's uterus and flesh... Not a normal thought... right?

After watching the c-section I explained to my nurse how much I wanted to see a vaginal delivery. It was not very busy in the department but about an hour later there was another girl who was pushing. So my nurse helped me get into the room to watch. (#75) Jennie is going to kill me that I once again can't remember the name of the device, but if the baby isn't doing great and they want to monitor it a little closer they stick this device up the woman's vagina that looks like a long stick (no pun intended) and they screw it into the babies head and pull out the stick and there's a wire the connects to the monitor that will watch the baby. I'm sorry, did you understand what I just said... they screw the monitor into the babies freaking head!?!

This baby was having a hard time (we found out due to the fact that there was lots of meconium or as the English like to say baby poop in the womb). The babies pulse was dropping and they were encouraging the woman to push harder and faster for her babies health. The woman had about four or five family members yelling and cheering her on. The father was the most vocal and was yelling and crying in excitement for the baby. When the head popped out (which we will go into further in a moment) the dad rips off his shirt and begins to run around the room with no shirt on screaming and crying... needless to say... this was... um... an interesting reaction... granted I have not been through this and don't know the emotions involved, but I can say I have never been so emotional that I ripped my shirt off and ran around the room like a mad man. But I was um... happy... for this father that was so excited.

Okay, back to the baby head sticking out. (#74) It was somewhat disturbing (while being exciting) to see this baby head just sticking out of the vagina. It was something very different that is difficult to understand. But I swear to god it seems like something that came straight out of the movie Species. At one point (with the third delivery I got to watch) the doc asked the girl if she wanted to feel the head (#73) the girl kinda freaked and said no. This I understood, it would freak me right the hell out as well.

So on the last delivery the girl was very young and had the baby all natural (#72- as much as epidurals scare me going all natural scares me even more). This girl did not scream at all!!!! I think she became my new hero because I don't see how you can endure that with out so much of a scream... she's more of a woman at that young age than I will ever be. I would scream, kick, swear, bite, whatever to get that damn thing out of me.

Today was a very surreal experience and though it truly did scare the shit right out of me (not literally, but close enough) it was a truly amazing experience! I learned so much on this rotation and got to see so much more than I ever thought possible. I am so glad I got to learn so much and have such a positive experience.

I will never be a labor and delivery, nursery, or post partum nurse but my hat is off to those who are! It is a very different type of nursing than anything else I think. So thank you to the three women who let me participate on their big events, I will forever be grateful for you allowing me to learn from your pain... at this time I'm just glad it's not me shoving a watermelon through my vagina... maybe one day, then I will be eating all these words that I write. Which in all reality, I don't think that's any different than normal!