Hollywood's Participation in Deliveries

Finally, I did it. I had my clinical in labor and delivery... and all I can say is wow... please allow me to explain further. Did you realize that these women are pushing eight pound humans through their vagina's???? I am sooooo not kidding. Really, a whole little alien baby, RIGHT THROUGH THEIR VAGINA'S!!!!!

OK, so let me explain my day, and some of what I explain will have numbers next to it to identify that it belongs on the list. So I arrive in labor and delivery and I was started out in a room with a woman who was on her second baby and was having a c-section. I watched and learned as they prepped her for her major abdominal surgery (I will discuss further why this is a major surgery besides the fact they are ripping a human out of your body). So after about an hour and a half of prepping we take her into the OR. The nurse I was working with was wonderful and made sure I had a good place to stand while watching the surgery and explained everything going on. Here's where it gets freaky (#80). So they cut her incision and are cutting into the abdomen to get the baby. They make an incision about eight or so inches long and then have a doctor on each side of the incision with both their hands in the abdomen tearing, pulling, tugging the skin to make the hole wider. The doctors were pulling with all their might! I am telling you, no one should have their hands inside of you pulling back your flesh with all of their might!!!!! Does this seem totally insane to anyone else? (#79) The whole entire time you are wide awake too!!!! WIDE FREAKING AWAKE. Ahhhhhhh, as the doctors are ripping your flesh...

So then one of the doctors stood on a stool and pushed on the woman's abdomen and all the sudden out pops a baby head. Here is a freaking head just sitting outside of this woman's abdomen. WTF?!? (#78) So after the doc got the baby out they had to clean out the abdomen. They just yank the uterus right out of the abdomen and have it sitting on the woman's belly as they clean it. I could not believe I was staring at a uterus outside of a woman's body!!! (#77) Then after they are done they just shove it right back in. I swear to god, it totally reminded me on the game you used to play as a kid Operation! Except the docs in real life are not as gentle as you have to be in the damn game! (#76) Then the docs have to cauterize the bleeding. It smelled like someone was branding a damn cow in the OR. And let this show you how inappropriate I can be at times, all I could think was how cool it would be to brand your initials in the woman's uterus and flesh... Not a normal thought... right?

After watching the c-section I explained to my nurse how much I wanted to see a vaginal delivery. It was not very busy in the department but about an hour later there was another girl who was pushing. So my nurse helped me get into the room to watch. (#75) Jennie is going to kill me that I once again can't remember the name of the device, but if the baby isn't doing great and they want to monitor it a little closer they stick this device up the woman's vagina that looks like a long stick (no pun intended) and they screw it into the babies head and pull out the stick and there's a wire the connects to the monitor that will watch the baby. I'm sorry, did you understand what I just said... they screw the monitor into the babies freaking head!?!

This baby was having a hard time (we found out due to the fact that there was lots of meconium or as the English like to say baby poop in the womb). The babies pulse was dropping and they were encouraging the woman to push harder and faster for her babies health. The woman had about four or five family members yelling and cheering her on. The father was the most vocal and was yelling and crying in excitement for the baby. When the head popped out (which we will go into further in a moment) the dad rips off his shirt and begins to run around the room with no shirt on screaming and crying... needless to say... this was... um... an interesting reaction... granted I have not been through this and don't know the emotions involved, but I can say I have never been so emotional that I ripped my shirt off and ran around the room like a mad man. But I was um... happy... for this father that was so excited.

Okay, back to the baby head sticking out. (#74) It was somewhat disturbing (while being exciting) to see this baby head just sticking out of the vagina. It was something very different that is difficult to understand. But I swear to god it seems like something that came straight out of the movie Species. At one point (with the third delivery I got to watch) the doc asked the girl if she wanted to feel the head (#73) the girl kinda freaked and said no. This I understood, it would freak me right the hell out as well.

So on the last delivery the girl was very young and had the baby all natural (#72- as much as epidurals scare me going all natural scares me even more). This girl did not scream at all!!!! I think she became my new hero because I don't see how you can endure that with out so much of a scream... she's more of a woman at that young age than I will ever be. I would scream, kick, swear, bite, whatever to get that damn thing out of me.

Today was a very surreal experience and though it truly did scare the shit right out of me (not literally, but close enough) it was a truly amazing experience! I learned so much on this rotation and got to see so much more than I ever thought possible. I am so glad I got to learn so much and have such a positive experience.

I will never be a labor and delivery, nursery, or post partum nurse but my hat is off to those who are! It is a very different type of nursing than anything else I think. So thank you to the three women who let me participate on their big events, I will forever be grateful for you allowing me to learn from your pain... at this time I'm just glad it's not me shoving a watermelon through my vagina... maybe one day, then I will be eating all these words that I write. Which in all reality, I don't think that's any different than normal!

This is Retarded!

While studying for our test the next morning (and had worked a long day) I had to take a photo op break for some good old fashion funny pics. Here's one to share with ya. I thought it was funny!

I was just sitting here thinking about how I should be studying instead of sitting around watching cheesy chick flicks and then in dawned on me... I think it was time to add more to my list of pregnancy fears and incorporate my studying into it. Here I am writing this silly list, but in all reality it kinda helps me study cuz I remember all of the things I write down for reasons and it typically has something to do with what I am learning this week. So lets jump right in and add to the list...

#85- Did you know that there are four types of pelvises? This I did not know. And here is another tidbit, two are more favorable than another... in all honesty, I have never sat down and wondered, "what shape of pelvis do I have and would it be favorable to have a vaginal delivery?" I suppose this might be something some women may have thought about... but that's probably why these women have babies and I do not. I think I might actually take some pride in the fact that I do not know what type of pelvis I have. With my luck I would be stuck with the android type of pelvis and have a hell of time pushing the gigantic watermelon through. So I am content in my not knowing. Congrats to those of you who have a gynecoid or anthropoid shaped pelvis. May you birth canal be wonderful.

#84- So the nurse/doctor/student/what have you has to feel for the babies sutures while the baby is still in you!!!! They want to feel how the baby is laying in the womb. This particularly freaked me out. I really don't want some strangers whole freaking arm up my who-ha up to their elbow trying to feel around up there. Last thing I need is for someone to lose a watch up there!

#83- Let's just say bloody show. Ewwwww, gross! I know I am a female and "bloodiness" is something I should just have to deal with month to month... and don't let me confuse you, I enjoy blood and gore, BUT SOME PLACES IT'S JUST NOT COOL. This would be one of them. I don't want to see, feel, smell, experience a stringy mucousy, gross, discharge. I have an image in my mind of what this would look like (which I am sure is nothing close to how it really is) and it freaks me right the hell out. Man the way I picture it in my mind it might as well have eyes and claws and come out and say howdy that's how bad I picture it in my mind.

#82-I am just throwing this out there. If I ever do have a baby I am having a damn epidural! But here's the problem with the epidural, what if they get it in the wrong spot? Once again knowing my luck I would sneeze or something right when they are putting the needle into my back and they will puncture a nerve and then I will never be able to walk again. Ok, ok, I know I went a little overboard here, but you catch my drift, right? They do a test dose of Lidocaine in the epidural site before hooking up the epidural and if they missed their spot you will immediately have a high heart rate, headache, and feel that you can't breath. I would be convinced I was going to die (especially after now knowing all the horrible things that can go wrong with pregnancy). This does not sound like fun or like anything I ever want to experience.

#81- Let's end this list for today with one horrifying and cruel word. Episiotomy. Or even worse, to tear and "rip" down there. Ahhhhhhhhhhh, OUCHIE!!!!!!

So that will do for the list today. I am sure I will have PLENTY more tomorrow since I will be in labor and delivery for my last OB clinical day. Let's tell you what else is going on, I had what I like to call the day o' hell on Tuesday. I had two back to back test for OB and Med/Surg. Man, if that doesn't stress one out I don't know what does. It's a lot of pressure and I think everyone in the class was feeling it. I am starting to think that the school does it on purpose. They probably have a camera in the waiting hall recording us all freaking out before and after the test then laugh at how much we over react and watch it at the Christmas party!

But I did do well on my test. I got a 83% on my med/surg and a 85% on my OB. The test were hard, and with the OB test at one point when I submitted it I was convinced that I would get a 60. When I saw that I passed I started to laugh because I was so shocked! Even funnier was hearing Jared sitting next to me in the test say out loud "this is retarted!" Jared, I couldn't agree with you more!

Some Words Are Just Fun to Say!!!

So I had my clinical yesterday. I thought I was going to be in labor and delivery, but I wasn't. I was in the nursery! I know I am scared to death of babies (especially newborns) and that I am creating a list of 100 things that scare me about pregnancy... but these babies were so stinking cute!!!!! I'm not saying I'm ready to be a mom or anything, but I did love holding these little babies! Granted I was scared beyond anything you could imagine that I would drop the babies, and it took me many hours in the nursery before I even dared to pick on up. But I finally did, and I fed her a bottle and held her and it was simply adorable. Once again, let me clarify, babies scared the living hell out of me, but they are cute when you can give them back when they cry!

So I learned a lot in the nursery. It seems that everyday that I spend with OB my eyes are being opened to more and more things I never could have imagined! I am learning more with this class than I ever believed possible. I got to go down and watch a bunch of antenatal testing, which taught me a lot to. I will never use any of this knowledge I am sure once I am done with my boards, but I still appreciate the experience! It's been worth the stress.... wait, can I take that one back?

So I've gotta come up with my number 88 of pregnancy fears. I think I've got a few for you.

#88- Did you know as a female that you have to get the area between your vagina and your rectum (the perineum) swabbed for groub B strep? This is something that tons of women are just walking around with, have no idea about, nor can do anything about. But it seems like such an embarrassing thing to have your perineum (taint, grundle, chode, whatever you want to call it) swabbed and then be told you were positive for something that could kill your baby. I would just rather not know!

#87- So going right along with the general area of the body we are talking about I think number 87 fits in quite perfectly. I really don't want to be pushing out a 7lb watermelon and worry about shitting the bed! I know it's normal, and it happens, but it is something that would make me feel like a real ass! I honestly take pride in the fact I have not ever shit my pants as an adult... unless you count that one time I had the flu... just kidding, well... ya, I'm kidding.

#86- mittelschmerz. I just really like saying the word mittelschmerz. It just rolls off the tongue. mittelschmerz. Wonderful, almost as much fun as saying spinnbarkeit. Not quite, but almost.

So I was told for sure I am going to be in labor and delivery next Friday and I am really looking forward to it! I asked for a C-section, and Jenny (my wonderful, beautiful, talented, hilariously witty, great instructor) said she will see what she can do. By the way, I am not sucking up... I'm just making sure she knows how much I appreciate her (wink, wink) if she happened to ever stumble upon my blog, especially when grading my final.

So I know I have shocked some of you by saying that I enjoy OB, and I think this didn't surprise anyone more than myself. I am a little sad to see my OB clinicals end next week then the ever torturous and massive time investing Med/Surg clinicals begin. I will be sure to keep you guys updated, I think I am up to 10 readers now (LOL). Love you guys!!!!

Just wanted to share a picture of the video that we were required to watch for ob... this scared me more than anything else about having a baby! Enjoy!!!! LOL.

And here is my reaction to the video! This picture did not capture my horror I endured while watching it!

Dear God are you Serious?

So I had another OB class today and found out yet another horrifying thing about pregnancy. So I want to jump right into it...

#90- did you know that people were having 26lbs babies???? Holy crap! There is no way your genitals could recuperate from that! And that my friends, seriously scares the crap out of me!!!!

#89- I've gotta start throwing more out there than one a week, I am running out of time! So let's think of number 89.... okay, I know.... how about gestational diabetes and gestational hypertension? No freaking thank you!

Now that we got that over and done with I would like to add that though this semester is very tough I know I will survive through it! I want to shoot myself in the head every Wednesday with the 8 hour lecture... but I suppose what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger... right?... right? Well, the booze that I have to have every now and then definitely helps though! Thank god for copper camels and beer!

So I was wrong, I had last Friday off, and this Friday I go to labor and delivery and get to watch babies being born. I am going to get to get to watch vaginal deliveries and c-sections! I am pretty excited! (anyone who knows me knows that this is soooooo not like me!) So I am sure this will equal some really exciting/horrifying stories for my blog! So I am sure all of you (the whole 5 readers I have LOL) will be waiting anxiously to hear what I have to say!

Thanks again to all of you out there supporting me and your continuous encouragement! I love you all dearly! I will be blogging soon, so until then, night night.

Incompetent Cervix

So it has been a few days since I last blogged, honestly due to the fact that nothing funny had really happened. I played hookie from school yesterday (shhh, don't tell) and slept in instead. I suppose I picked a bad day to ditch because in med/surg they went over the ever great, fun, and thrilling acid/base crap. If you don't understand what I am talking about don't worry, I don't really either. But though I missed an important day at school I keep telling myself it was worth it to sleep in!

Since I missed yesterday I have spent the last two days (which I would've had to do anyways) doing online lectures and reading. I got seriously sick of hearing about the sodium/potassium pump so I decided to put away the med/surg and pull out the ever so frightening OB stuff...

I was sitting here learning about all of the horrors of pregnancy (I mean really, I don't understand how anyone can actually survive to full term without something completely horrible happening from everything I am learning). I got to the section about the incompetent cervix. As a woman, we all hate this naming. It is insulting. And the instructor on the online lecture especially hated it. I was just following along with the lecture when she stated, "you can expect me to refer to erectile dysfunction as a incompetent penis from this day forward." I looked up and was wondering if I heard her right, so I went back and heard it again. I loved it!!!!! I was laughing so incredibly hard. I totally did not expect that while sitting here listening to all of the horrors of pregnancy! I love women like that! They are my hero's. So sorry to any men out there who could possibly be reading this, I will now and forever refer to any erectile dysfunction as an incompetent penis.

So thanks to the beginning of my blog one could guess where I am going with my #96 reason of why pregnancy scares the hell out of me. Actually I can give you #96 to #91

#96- Ectopic pregnancy. Seriously. This scares the hell out of me! I have had patients come in with this. It is where the implantation of the egg attaches outside of the uterus. So the egg will become deformed and you could be growing teeth, hair, eyes, a freaking horn... god only knows what inside of you. Once you realize that you are having an ectopic pregnancy you have to do chemo drugs and have surgery to clean all of the infected crap out of your body...

#95- Abruptio placenta- anything with the word abruptio (especially when combined with placenta) does not sound like a good thing and you can count me out!

#94- Placenta Previa- where if you experience this one you are pretty much kissing your ass good bye... once again NO THANK YOU!

#93- then you've got the good old uterine rupture. You've got the abd pain, the bleeding, fundus issues, hypovolemic shock, and some serious anxiety to go along with it...

#92- Coagulation problems- I really really really really don't want to be bleeding out. So not on my list of things to do before I die!

#91- Premature rupture of membranes- once again there's many words in that one diagnoses that soooooo does not sound good.

So I am really trying to figure out how so many people have babies and half of the mothers and majority of the babies don't die. If the point of OB was to scare me even more than I already was to have babies I can say mission accomplished!

This is me learning about all of the horrible things that can happen to you during pregnancy...

Things Can Surprise You Sometimes

This is after my first day of clinical at my study group. Hanging out with Stefanie and Danielle.

So I had my first OB clincial this last Friday and I have to say I was honestly surprised about how much I enjoyed it! Ok, I am getting a little ahead of myself, let me back up. I tried to go to bed early Thursday night so I could be well rested before the clinical. I tossed and turned until a little after midnight, then finally sleep comes to me. But the problem was all I could dream about was the terrror I envisioned OB to be. I dreamed about dropping babies, being yelled at by my instructor, you name it. I was horrified. So when my alarm went off at 4:50, though I was very tired, I jumped right out of bed, hurry and got ready and ran out the door getting to the clinical site over a 1/2 hour early (I was petrified that I was going to be late).

So I was told that I was going to be working in postpartum. Sounds (and kinda is) boring, but I was excited to do real nursing. So I met my nurse and she was fantastic. I explained to her that this was my first clinical in a hospital and that I was nervous, but I was excited to learn and really wanted to be involved and do everything I possibly could to help out. She let me do pretty much all of the care for the four adult patients, and three baby patients that we had. I got to do assessments, pass meds, discharge patietns, give immunizations, IT WAS GREAT!

So for someone (this someone is me) who hates OB, vaginias, scared of babies, and is writting a blog about the fears of pregnancy, it was great. This next Friday I go back and I think I am going to be in labor and delievery. I am hoping to see both a c-section and a vaginal deliever (which I sure seeing both will certainly add to my list of why pregnancy scares the hell out of me). But this is all such new information to me I am thrilled to be moving on with school and take it all in.

Guess while I am here and writting about this I better give my next reason about why pregnancy scares me. What number are we on now? Is it #97?

#97- That first time the baby kicks I am sure that it would scare me so bad I would pee my pants! Then how embarrassing would that be?

I am still tired, and feel like a zombie most days, and I think I am begining to look like a zombie as well! But we are now down to 8 weeks left I think. Bring on the pain... wait, please don't really.

Sometimes You're Just Wrong

So I once again had my OB class today... and it never fails to amaze me that pregnancy scares the hell out of me. So let's get it out of the way, reason #99 why pregnancy scares the hell out of me...

#99- I really really really don't want to have to examine my spinnbarkeit. Just not cool... for those of you who don't know what it is all about let me give you a word of advice... don't. Just go play with your silly putty and call it good!

So... now that that's over and done with I will just add that I think school is going to be the death of me! I came home from school yesterday and laid down on the floor and refused to get up for over a hour, I was too exhausted to move! I truly tried to make it to the couch, but in my best effort found this too difficult of a task to really care. So there I was by the front door trying to make myself get up and do homework with no energy to do it (just so you don't worry too much I finally did sit down and do some stupid reading later that night). I did all of this thinking "hooray! I survived today, tomorrow has got to be better, right!"... uh-huh... WRONG!

So off my alarm goes this morning bright and early at 6:15... 6:20... 6:45...7:00... 7:30... well crap! I need to be at school by 8:00. So I drag my butt out of bed (finally) and skip along to school to endure the hellish 8 hour day of lecture. I don't know if the clock was playing tricks on me but I swear every minute that passed by felt like a hour! FINALLY, lecture was done at 4:00 and the feeling of happiness that I survived another day was so wonderful. Then I remembered, I have to go take another OB careplan test. I swear, I think my heart broke a little at that moment. So off I go to learn yet another silly careplan that I don't seem to get a lot out of. I thought to myself again, "this will be no big deal, I belted the two out easily yesterday. I will take an hour to memorize it and take the test and be home by 5:30"... boy I am sick of being wrong, cuz I was yet once again.

This careplan was Satan's careplan! Anyone that has had to learn these things will agree with me. It was on postpartum, and it was pure hell! My brain was already fried from the full day of lecture, and here I am trying to shove more information in. My brain is too full and can't fit much more in it, let alone to write about describing and having the mother demonstrate the correct way to treat her nipples and vulva. I finally dragged my defeated ass out of that school at 7:15! Let me repeat for dramatic effect 7:15!!!!!!!!!!

So here I am again saying to myself, "well hell, I made it through today... tomorrow's got to be better, right?" I am anxiously awaiting to see, but yes, I think tomorrow will definitely be a good day.

Until next time when I post #98, why I am scared of pregnancy, party on! Love you guys!