Today was an interesting day. I realized today that I am not the only one who is worn out, tired, and emotional. Though I am sorry to those of you that had this emotional day, it helped me feel normal. Let me explain to my non-nursing school friends.
We went in for our last test today (before the finals) and you could see that everyone was worn down and is hanging on to their sanity by a thread. I took this test that I was completely unprepared for (and yes friends, I truly mean totally unprepared, not my typical "I studied for 60 hours and am unprepared" kind of crap I usually pull, I truly mean unprepared!). I went in, took my test, and hit the submit button. It always takes awhile once you hit the submit button to get your test score back, but my god this was insanity on how long the computer system made me sit there waiting to see my grade. Now you non-nursing school people can't even begin to understand, but once you hit that submit button you experience a flash of emotions. Panic, because you don't know what number is going to show up, relief, because the test is over, your heart feels like it's about to jump out of your chest, but yet somehow at the exact same time you are too scared to breathe. So this is what I am feeling as I swear to god I am waiting an eternity for my score to pop up. Then finally... there it was. 76%. Now friends, this is failing. Passing is a 78%. But with how unprepared I was for this test I was happy with my 76%. It was a freaking hard ass test, and I am confident that at least one question will par up to bring me to my needed 78%.
I close the computer down and walk out into the hall where I find about 10 of my dear friends talking. They stop when they see me there and ask "so how bad did you fail?" I just stood dumbfounded trying to figure out how all these people knew I failed. They then inform me not one of them had passed the test and they ask what my score was. I tell them (being humiliated because still... I failed) and they proceed to tell me that was one of the highest scores thus far. What?!?!? Pardon me? I think I didn't understand you correctly. My 76% was good? I found out that most people got in the low 70's high 60's. None of us had done this bad since the dreaded horrific respiratory test (I swear a chill just went down my spine uttering those words).
I tell you this information because it plays into the beginning of my story. Somehow in the next twenty minutes I witness all hell break loose between my classmates. Next thing I know there are 7 (at least) women crying and two yelling and the shit officially hit the fan. Once again to my nursing school friends, I am sorry that you had such a shitty day, but on the other hand THANK YOU!!!!! I have for the last month (or year... take your pick) felt like everyday I was slowly losing my mind. I have felt emotional, exhausted, moody, depressed (along with many happy feelings too, but that's not the point here). I felt normal seeing that these other students were right there with me having their meltdown. A test is a test. We will survive it. But this wasn't about the test. This was more about trying to survive and being too tired to continue on with the basic politeness that most human beings possess. This was about meltdown city, and for the first time in awhile, I felt somewhat normal as this is all transpiring. I was able to sit back, and smile because I know the test will par up and I will pass. I know that at no job throughout my career will they ask to see my transcripts and ask what grade I got in a class. All they care about is if I have a license and if I competent to do the work.
Now don't get me wrong my dear readers. I am still competitive, and I still want those A's. But when it really comes down to it DOES IT REALLY MATTER???? NO! Of course not. What matters is are we good nurses who are competent and caring and will do everything in our power to advocate for our patient? That's what's important here. Not the A's. Not the minuscule bull shit that school instills in us in order to stress us out more. Did you learn something? Are you competent? If those answers are yes, then screw the rest and take pride in the fact that you got in on a highly competitive scholarship program, survived nursing school, and have a career and future ahead of you. I am attempting to take my own advice friends, I'm writing this more for myself than for you. I swear.
Now about the blog. I have about 8 days left of being a nursing student and have pondered what to do with the blog "A Day in the Life of a Nursing Student". For a brief moment it seemed outdated once I am done with school. I know there are a few of you who actually follow and appreciate my blog so here's what I have decided to do. Just because I am done with 'nursing school' doesn't mean I am done being schooled as a nurse. There is endless education opportunities for this field of work, and I figured that it could be fun to keep the blog and relate things that happen in my career to lessons learned at school and continue showing you guys my journey in my career. I am fully planning on going back for my bachelor's degree, and once that's done see where the road takes me. Maybe it'll be more schooling, maybe not. Maybe it will be a different area of nursing other than hospital floor nursing. Who knows. The opportunities are endless!
So I will not be shutting down the blog. It's sort of my project now, and I find it fun to look back at the adventures, trials, and triumphs of the last 2 years. I have grown substantially in those two years and I am proud of what I have accomplished and who I have become. I have a new sense of pride in myself that I have never had before and feel as though with accomplishing this endless hell of school I can hold my head high and take pride in who I have become. We've worked our asses off people, all of us who have gone through school, through life, take pride in what you have accomplished and take a minute to look back and appreciate that without those trials you wouldn't be who you are today. God knows we have each gone through our own hurdles that we have to triumph, and I'm taking the Jared point of view on these and despite the fact they were beyond difficult, and even at times I was convinced I was being given something I couldn't handle, I am appreciative for these difficulties because they made me appreciate the good times in life and take some self-pride out of what I have overcome.
I say this with the most delicious glass of wine in my hand and hold it up to you my dear friends. I cheers to the hard work you have done, I cheers to where you are at in your life, I cheers to the trials you've had and the trials you will have, I cheers to who you are and the fact you should be proud of yourself. Cheers to you my friends. Now pass the wine, I need another glass after this day!
